Friday, August 13, 2010

Turning Down the Volume

I have no shame telling you that it's Friday afternoon. Evening is right around the corner and I am spending it alone, with my two dogs, my favorite bowl of cereal, and the comfiest pair of sweats.
At first I thought - "UUUhhh I get to spend the whole night blogging!" But because this is my fourth draft for tonight I think I have to come to the conclusion that the words are left me for tonight. Maybe even for the week. Maybe they went kaputt a little with along with my car. On a nice warm, anti stress vacation in Fiji.

Those bitches.

So while I was getting my mom ready for her hot date I kept contemplating: "Do I just wanna order terrible food and order in?" "Do I just wanna pop in a movie and lay around for two hours..blogging and facebooking on the side?" "No I'll read!" Then my mom left and I was somewhat like a little rabbit surrounded by coyotes (I'm so from colorado, aren't i?) and couldn't deal with all the options staring at me!

Then I came to my own rescue all by simple googling of "watch house". Now I've got the first episode all loaded and ready to go..I'm going to leave you with a few simple words for the evening and the quickest 411 of what's happening with littmssunshine right now and even complete my day 6 of the 30 day blogging challenge!!! All in ONE post. After that, I am turning my phone on vibrate. Closing all of my google Chrome windows except the one with the loaded House episode, stretch out on my bed and turn off my world for a bit.

1. My life right now at this very moment is chaos, waiting, and anxiety. (That last one's really a mean fat bitch). My car broke down - I don't know why. I missed my wedding gown fitting - thanks to my car. I am stone cold broke - thank you oh happy wedding day. And I broke down and had a xanax this morning because that mfb sucker punched me in the cheek. Trust me, I am not one of those people that is more proud to admit that "Oh I am soooo stressed out..I am seriously, like, having an emotional breakdown" than a little ashamed by it so this is not easy for me to say, but this morning, I had one. Last night after my car broke down and I made it back to work I had to sneak in the bathroom, pull myself together really hard and just went through the motions of closing the store, making it home and letting sleep wash over me as fast as it would take me. I know it's not healthy to try and just turn it off but I don't know where else I'm going to find the energy to worry about even more things. So they're getting put on a sticky note, taped to my life's forehead and are going to be dealt with later.

2. Day 6 of the challenge is my favorite and also my shortest entry so far. It asks Whatever tickles your fancy and this I couldn't have found at a better time. Through the challenge I have admitted that I am a sucker for old, complicated, passionate love. There are hundreds of exceptions out there, I'm not that naive, but I think there are a lot of people today that forget this very important detail about loving someone and being loved. So much so that they let it get in the way, let their selfishness and dissatisfaction with themselves take over, and push the people away that truly love them the most. More than maybe anyone after they are gone, will ever love them. 

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