Thursday, August 26, 2010

Day 12 / 30 Days

Happy Thursday people.

I'm sitting here..just finished the yummiest dinner that my mamacita made..with my sisters and friend Amy. We all have the biggest (!) food babies and are washing them down with yummy wine. ;) Nooo...I'm not being super unsocial. It's that time frame after dinner when everyone, especially when major food babies such as these are in order, needs a major breather and does whatever they wants. And since I told myself that I would stick the the 30 day blogging challenge strictly until I am done!

Maybe that's because I want to move on the Becca's newest edition of the 30 days..but that's another story. So here I am..with my brand new stemless glass of wine (gift from my bridal shower that I already cracked open) filled with yummy red wine..maybe a little tipsy (who me?) and tell you all about what tickles my fancy here on day 12 of the challenge.

I had the last two days off .. and I'm so not going to lie to you, I spent most of it in bed, catching up on season 5 of House. Maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. Maybe I'm just a super lazy person that would rather take a day off lately than talk another minute about the wedding. I know that I would rather pull my pj's back on, leave the make up for a day, stretch out in bed and plunge into someone else's life for an afternoon than run out full of anxiety and guilty drive throughs of random fast food restaurants. And, like yesterday, I got up, made a little morning commute of dropping my brother off at school, and pulled my pj's right back on the moment I came home. By 10am I had finished my 3rd episode, shut my tv and opened the crisp first new pages of Mockingjay - the third and final edition in The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins.

It didn't matter what I did all morning though. Today was the worst day out of the last 2 months that N has been gone, missing him. I could not stop thinking about him. And lately, even though he would never admit it and just continue to deny it, he has been sending the simplest, yet most romantic text messages that make me melt and just want the day that I will be his wife, be here sooner. So many negative things have been wrapped around this dang day that I keep forgetting the most important thing that will happen that day. When I think I can't think about the stress of everything for one more second I find a picture of just N that I love to take when he's not looking, and my heart gets the chills, and I reimagine, for the x amount of time, the moment when we are dancing for the first time as husband and wife, or escape to the coast, just him and I to the beach and take in the fact that after 5 years of love, growth, tears, lies, and forgivenes that we are starting our own lives together. And everything began with simple looks, smiles, and the gentlest, shy kiss I have ever experienced.

For me to say that a text message can be romantic is a stretch. You know me. The firm believer of love letters and one person to share your entire life with. And even though I dream myself into those eras, I'm not naive enough to ignore the type of love I hold on to for dear life that I have with N. The other day we were texting about how bad our financial situation is and since about last November it doesn't seem to stop raining in our lives. Every day is something new to figure out. Something new to overcome. When at the end of the day we just want to be together, have funny looking children, and be in love until we can make fun of each other's wrinkly skin. I was so stressed and shooting down his every attempt to cheer me up when he said "..but all I need is you" Before I could shoot back something snotty I had to stop and smiled. Ear to ear.

I've never been the person to have money. In high school I always had a job to help out at home. And I don't know how I made it through college without going into bankcrupcy. All I've ever dreamed of when I think about love is that kind of love where it doesn't matter what's on your hand, how much money you have, or the gifts he showers you with. For me, I know I will live a happy life filled with love as long as the boy sharing a squeaky bed in a shitty apartment loves me with every fiber in his body and needs nothing else but that girl to always be beside him and love him for exactly who he is.

N is exactly that guy.

I would go to the end of the earth with him as long as he was holding my hand. Words cannot explain how much I'm going to miss my family when I leave. My mother especially. But on the other hand, my missing N is only getting worse and spilling out of me as excitement to take his hand and get out of this place to a place where it's only him and I. I don't care how cold, boring, or rainy this place. As long as I have him to ride in the car next to, to laugh with, to sleep with, and talk to, I do not care where the hell we go.

In retro spect. Thinking that it has been downpouring on our lives for the past year is a selfish thought. I have him. And he has me. He couldn't have said it better when he told me that all we need is each other. So I'm sorry for the confusion. I know I told you that this was part of my blogger challenge. Well today's question was what tickles my fancy and N, well. He definitely tickles my fancy.

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