I use to looooooove the swings when I was a girl. I would beg to go on one from the moment I saw them. I'd stretch out my arms and kick my legs and enjoy the feeling of flying, if that's what it was like.
Now they scare me shitless.
Why is that?
Since this has officially been the weirdest and lamest Winter I've ever seen in Colorado (just when I thought I'd seen it all) with our 50 degree days and the fact that I still don't wear a Winter coat on a regular basis, I realized that the only thing I have been able to make a decision about lately is that fact that I simply cannot call this weird mood I'm in "Winter Blues". I'd be a fake Winter Blues girl if I did and so let's just call it the
"60 degrees funk".
I don't know what it is. Sitting here with my beloved morning coffee, my notebook and you guys is among my top three favorite things to do by far. And even though I'm fully enjoying it and my coffee is more than searing hot, I'm 100,000 different emotions lately. I'm mad at my Dad who, even though sent me a Christmas card with $ in it yesterday, didn't even call for Christmas. And I know he's at home sitting the "no, you call me" game and I'm appreciate of the $, sometimes I'd just really love a fucking phone call. Because if there's one thing I can tell about my dad, is when he's being sarcastic, and his Christmas card is full of it!
"Merry Christmas to you guys wherever you guys are now"
Really? Juno couldn't put it any better with her collection of cacti "Thanks a heap, Coyote ugly. This Cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."
Then there's a million other people that confuse me, upset me, anger me, and some of them simply just piss me off, yet,...hehe oopsi..some of them quite possibly come and read my blog on occasion (I really have to stop sharing my links on Facebook) and I'm not about to open that can of whoop ass.
I'm really impatient. So I don't like just sittin pretty and letting the outcome arrive with its lost luggage and excuses of missed flights. Just tell me what I did wrong? Why are you so annoying? And why can't we all just hug, sing cumbaya, and play games? (I'm kidding. that sounds absolutely terrible.)
Thirdly, one thing I am absolutely not adjusting to in this new adult married life of mine, is that, without college, you don't really have your life set for you, one semester at a time. Anything could really happen and you can completely do whatever it is you feel like.
Want some babies? Why not.
Get a second career? Sure!
Just work and hang out? I'll take door number 3, thank you.
But I know that's not going to keep me quiet in the corner for long. I'm really antsy I think. N and I are really looking forward to this year, don't get me wrong. N is working hard at his dream which I support 100%, because fact is, we are without kids, for now we're without the stress of a house or mortgage, and we are getting a grip on our mountain of bills thanks to school and paying 90% of our own schooling.
(Again, thanks a heap, American Secondary Education. You're a doll.) But I can't decide if I've been thrown into the infamous soup bowl of retail where your fate is pure luck and you're swimming around, hoping you look like a yummy potato that will get picked next to move up. I've worked my behind off this year and if it's not in the cards for me this year, well then I'm out. which brings me to my next dilemma of what's next?
My master's in Education?
Maybe I should follow my love for photography down the path of a real education in it?
What if I go to beauty school and open MY own business and have the most rocking little shop in downtown Denver?
I have it all figured out don't I.
Happy Hump Day.
xo . jess