Saturday, August 13, 2011

little landslide.

Good morning kids.

(alright so this is a picture of a sunset. just go with it.)

I know right. I come back and disappear again. We were having some technical difficulties at the house the past week so cut off from the world we were. I even missed a Too(s)day post. I know. Complete and total failure.

No biggie. It's the weekend. And it just so happens that I have it o.f.f. That's right I even had to spell it out for you. :) We're in the middle of blackout so I'm making the most of this little jem weekend. N is working a marathon this morning in Colorado Springs and since I'm serious about making the most of this weekend I hitched a ride with that handsome man and am spending the (very early!) morning all by myself.

Me time (always) = a great time.

I hope it's not selfish. But me time is fantastic time. And I don't think I've given myself enough of it lately. I think I've entered a very reflective phase in my life. Or...I haven't figured out what phase I'm really in and I'm finding myself being more reflective and introverted trying to figure it out. Maybe that's isolation. But I don't care. I'm too much of a doubter. A questioner. I'm always questioning myself in reference to what others might think, feel, do..and I've decided to rethink the energy I'm spending on melodrama, daily stresses and opinions.

Before I married N, I knew without a doubt I had to have him in my life, every day, for the rest of my days. Every day I'm with him, I want to better myself. I don't want to be rude, or whiny, or negative (my favorite). He shows me and reminds me every day that we have so much to be thankful for, count ourselves lucky for, and that there is no reason to go through life always wishing we had more, did more, owned more,{whatever I feel like bitching about that day} and for that, I am so glad.

We are free. We're in love. And we laugh. From morning till night. And lately, I've realized that it's one thing to want to be a better person, but a completely different thing to actually be a better person. And that is me. Working on finding that better person in myself. The person that's not necessarily stuck in the "waiting zone" of life, but it's safe to say I've completed the most recent phase of my life and I'm trying to figure out what the next one holds. Most likely my little loss of direction is because the possibilities are endless and I'm beginning to grasp that idea and asking myself "what are you going to do with it?"

So I hope in the meantime I'm as entertaining, loving, and always hilarious, not to forget smart assy (N's favorite quality about me) and know I am not over here blowing up a big balloon of self isolation...but happiness comes from within and so that's where I'm going to start.

xo . jess

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