Tuesday, July 06, 2010

What's Up Buttercup?

Sorry I've been so boring lately. No fun posts. Hardly any upkeep on my life. I completely broke the snooze button I think. I can't help it. N's been gone for what seems like an eternity even though it's been hardly 3 weeks and I'm completely falling apart.

I'm not to proud of the fact that I can't seem to handle anything without him. But then again, I can. It's just almost a luxury to have someone at home to make you laugh regardless of how puffy your eyes are from crying the whole way home and much you just want to pout. I think one time he even made snot come out my nose because I was trying so hard not to cry anymore and sulk but the laugh just exploded out of me. It was hot.

BUT..if anything..I should practice what I preach and say SCREW YOU GUYS. This is my blog. Why am I apologizing? :) But .. I have to say.. might be a little less bright and a little more reflective over here for awhile. I just cannot get my brain to take its foot off the gas for even just a minute. I'm literally thinking about a million different things a minute.

The wedding.
What'll happen at work?
What if N doesn't succeed?
What if N does succeed?
The wedding.
Did I work my full 40hrs this week?
Am I in the wrong?
Why am I having dejavu again? (seriously, I've had SO many lately it's starting to freak me out)
Am I seriously gaining more weight right now?
The wedding.
What if N and I are happy in Michigan?
What if we're miserable?
What if we get pregnant sooner, rather than later?
Do I want to be pregnant?

I don't know how to turn it off. It's just always going. But in my defense, I've not completely lost my mind. And I'm not completely drowning in self pitty. I don't even think I've forgotten how to swim just yet. The waves are just a little higher than I'm comfortable with being this far out. 

A lot of my thoughts are happy thoughts. Excitement is starting to take over for stress about the wedding. And even more so excitement about the after. And that's what people who get married young don't really think about, do they. Just kind of the big party!? Well, of course I'm gitty about it. But I cannot wait for the after. 

Our own place. 
My husband and I. 
Probably far away in a strange place. 
Laughing in the car when we run errands. 

I hope you keep visiting. Especially to tell me how you're doing. Or if you have any thoughts to add to my brilliant ones :) Just give me a heads up first?
You're a doll, 

(I like leaving you with tunage)


  1. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this song! And don't worry my love, everything will work out in the end! That is why you have Nick, no matter what happens, you will always have each other!
    Love you! And just remember to BREATHE!

  2. Awww I tend to get totally overwhelmed, too at times. Especially with the kids question. You'll make it through. Your wedding day will be a monumental moment in your life, flooded with happiness and all the questions you have will melt away because the answers won't matter. Because the answers will find themselves and you'll be with Nick and 2 are better than 1 about sorting out life :)