Monday, May 02, 2011

dear diary, i need an update.

spent the day at my sister's house lounging and watching movies. we were supposed to unpack and decorate her new place. oops. we rainchecked for friday. 
got a bit of a word heavy post for you, but..I think it's a good one. 

I'm not really much of an "updater". I try to squeeze little tidbits about the happenings in my every day life in with posts here and there. But lately I am asking myself if I've been just plain vague with you lately, but then I'm not sure if it's just me and I'm talking myself up to sitting down and spewing out a little bullet pointed post to make myself feel better; not you guys. You're going to find this really strange, the behavior and thought process of mine that I'm about to share with you guys. But for the first time in a few months I can feel footage again. Routine has settled back into my life and even though I am desperate to still make changes to my surroundings, I am welcoming that routine with open arms!

I'm justifying this coming back down moment with the events that moving out of your house, graduating college, new apartment, watching your fiancĂ©e move halfway across country without you only 4 months prior to your wedding, alone in said apartment, planning your wedding, lots of family, get married, go on honeymoon, pack up life, drive across country, new apartment, same job new store, endless home searching, making a 180 and packing up things again, going back home, living with parents, same job new store again, realizing hey - we got married (!!!!!!!!!) is a lot of fucking events for a timeline that is shy of 9 months. 

The other morning, N and I were starting to wake up yet still dozing, and at one point I turned my head to N and whispered "it's so, quiet."
Let's just say, being able to keep up with laundry, making the bed, balancing (and gaining back!) my energy between work and getting to the gym on a regular basis is a big thing for me. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. So let me skip ahead to that "bulleting" I had mentioned earlier and give you a quick witty update of what's been going on, what's happening, and what's to come!

what's been going on

  • work. work. work. me, I'm working downtown still and either loving or hating it. Literally, but they're starting to meet in the middle and there too I feel I have found more balance. Since we've been back I feel like I've just been throwing myself into work and nothing else but coming home and taking refuge on the couch. (combined with my winter blues that was reeeal attractive) I did tell you that I was running again and I can already feel my energy rushing back some days and something's gotta happen cuz I'm not going back to work + couch = my life. no sir. 
  • so, you know how girls are usually their skinniest at their wedding? (I say skinny not healthy, because I've been there. I know it's not about healthy it's about looking as tiny as possible in that stupid dress. Alright, NOT stupid..but true.) Well, although I don't think I looked fat on my wedding day, I was neither healthy nor skinny. And several months later, I am realizing that the time around my wedding I was the unhealthiest I've ever been. I think I worked out maybe 3 times last year? I've battled weight, stomach, and emotional issues over this and no more. Again this is getting better and better. 
  • my hair is growing and I looove it! and I'm so sorry Hair(too)sday has been off air lately. I've honestly just been giving my locks a break from all experiences and just getting a feel for it getting longer again and playing with the length, etc. i'm a little sad, cuz I've noticed that growing back, it's not as curly as it was before the 13 inches of curl awesomeness. but I think I like where it's going :)
what's happening
  • n is desperately on the job hunt and lately our mini battles have been about him going back and finishing school sooner rather than later. 
  • we have decided to move downtown Denver (!!!!! YAAY!) and are both totally smiley faced about it. we have the rest of our lives to live in suburbia and there's financial things we want to accomplish and want to put first before getting a bigger place for the two of us and so nixed a house in the butt. it's funny because we are very flipped from a lot of our friends. we already lived in our house and had a house. so for us it's cool and new to think of a smaller more intimate place for just us two. therefore, we are on a desperate search at the moment. 
  • lately I've been mulling all kinds of emotions over and over. From feeling different, very different in my own skin to my priorities now, to feeling completely new things in my relationship with n, wondering (with n aloud sometimes) what happens when everything starts to feel like marriage, to wanting and embracing the simpler things. I won't deny that I've been a very introverted person lately. I've not kept in touch, only seen very little of my friends, some not at all, but I can't help but ignore that even when the contact is there, I'm not much of interest, but...I'm starting to think that that's okay. I think I even prefer it that way for now. 
what's to come
  • continuing right on from the previous part, I think turning 24 next month is going to be really good for me. I have this image of myself in my head of the person that I want to be, but I'm not sure if I'm all the way her yet. I know, I'm just trying to come up with a different way of saying I'm trying to find myself, but call it what you want, I'm even keeping a diary again lately. 
  • I want to add to the sort of lost thought a few lines back about being "ignored" by friends ..I didn't mean this negatively, but at first I think my reaction was, "well why does no one like me?" to "maybe they are sick of hearing about me" for awhile. I did just get married and even though I don't think I was that kind of bride to be, it was a long engagement and the months leading up to the big even were quite stressful on not just me. as much as I want my relationships rekindled, I think I needed this time out. 
  • last on the list is graduations, birthdays, successes, summertime, and new beginnings!! And come on, you know me, nothing's ever complete without a little d.raamaa.a :)


  1. yay! how exciting it'll be to live downtown! : ) it sounds like you have had quite the adventures, with many more to come!

    looking forward to hearing your adventures!

  2. that is A LOT of change to deal with in such a short amount of time. sounds like you have many happy things on the horizon. i am excited to read about it. marriage is good, and it only gets better. we are going on three years (not long) but every year is better than the last.

  3. i loved this post. so honest. seriously, marriage is the best. 4 1/2 years... and i agree with courtney- it only gets better!
    you have so many changes happening right now. i feel the same way, maybe different reasons, but my birthday is approaching and i'm thinking and analyzing my life and future as well.
    keep writing! i love to read what you write.
    ****and i have to say i'm jealous you are moving downtown. we would love to live down there. that's on my list of things to do :)