I use to looooooove the swings when I was a girl. I would beg to go on one from the moment I saw them. I'd stretch out my arms and kick my legs and enjoy the feeling of flying, if that's what it was like.
Now they scare me shitless.
Why is that?
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Since this has officially been the weirdest and lamest Winter I've ever seen in Colorado (just when I thought I'd seen it all) with our 50 degree days and the fact that I still don't wear a Winter coat on a regular basis, I realized that the only thing I have been able to make a decision about lately is that fact that I simply cannot call this weird mood I'm in "Winter Blues". I'd be a fake Winter Blues girl if I did and so let's just call it the
"60 degrees funk".
I don't know what it is. Sitting here with my beloved morning coffee, my notebook and you guys is among my top three favorite things to do by far. And even though I'm fully enjoying it and my coffee is more than searing hot, I'm 100,000 different emotions lately. I'm mad at my Dad who, even though sent me a Christmas card with $ in it yesterday, didn't even call for Christmas. And I know he's at home sitting the "no, you call me" game and I'm appreciate of the $, sometimes I'd just really love a fucking phone call. Because if there's one thing I can tell about my dad, is when he's being sarcastic, and his Christmas card is full of it!
"Merry Christmas to you guys wherever you guys are now"
Really? Juno couldn't put it any better with her collection of cacti "Thanks a heap, Coyote ugly. This Cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."
Then there's a million other people that confuse me, upset me, anger me, and some of them simply just piss me off, yet,...hehe oopsi..some of them quite possibly come and read my blog on occasion (I really have to stop sharing my links on Facebook) and I'm not about to open that can of whoop ass.
I'm really impatient. So I don't like just sittin pretty and letting the outcome arrive with its lost luggage and excuses of missed flights. Just tell me what I did wrong? Why are you so annoying? And why can't we all just hug, sing cumbaya, and play games? (I'm kidding. that sounds absolutely terrible.)
Thirdly, one thing I am absolutely not adjusting to in this new adult married life of mine, is that, without college, you don't really have your life set for you, one semester at a time. Anything could really happen and you can completely do whatever it is you feel like.
Want some babies? Why not.
Get a second career? Sure!
Just work and hang out? I'll take door number 3, thank you.
But I know that's not going to keep me quiet in the corner for long. I'm really antsy I think. N and I are really looking forward to this year, don't get me wrong. N is working hard at his dream which I support 100%, because fact is, we are without kids, for now we're without the stress of a house or mortgage, and we are getting a grip on our mountain of bills thanks to school and paying 90% of our own schooling.
(Again, thanks a heap, American Secondary Education. You're a doll.) But I can't decide if I've been thrown into the infamous soup bowl of retail where your fate is pure luck and you're swimming around, hoping you look like a yummy potato that will get picked next to move up. I've worked my behind off this year and if it's not in the cards for me this year, well then I'm out. which brings me to my next dilemma of what's next?
My master's in Education?
Maybe I should follow my love for photography down the path of a real education in it?
What if I go to beauty school and open MY own business and have the most rocking little shop in downtown Denver?
I have it all figured out don't I.
Happy Hump Day.
xo . jess
ohhh Jess. trust me when I tell you that this is the first of many, many, MANY 60 degrees funks.
ReplyDeleteI think there comes a point in your 20s (some later than others, so I'll just be vague with the whole age thing), you wake up one day and adulthood has nicely smacked you in the face full force. the last thing you remember is being 10 and being excited for a field trip or a class party or some shit, and then you woke up and you had hair growing in weird places.
before you know it, you've got a desk drawer full of bills that you just keep shoving in there in the hopes that maybe they'll just disappear. and then you've got a car to maintain on your own, and when shit breaks, you have to fix it, because you have a job and you need to make money to pay those bills. and then you have a house of your own, and when shit breaks, you have to fix it, because it's December and you can't get by with only a couple gallons of oil to heat your ass in the winter. and you need warmth to survive, so that you can go to work in your car to make money to pay the bills.
uh, anyway. what I'm trying to say is that all of us have had that "holy shit I'm an adult" moment. unfortunately, there's no way to avoid it. just embrace it - pay the most important bills first, take care of yourself and your husband, and make adulthood your bitch.
I think that was officially the longest comment I've ever written. :)
girl - my heart goes out to you. let me just say i am pretty sure you're my soul sister. pretty much all that describes the funk i am in.
ReplyDeletei think adulthood should have come with a warning label of some sort. especially a post college graduation one...its hard to adjust to.
hugs! :) life is still good, even within the funk.
I so know how you feel. I get in that slump a lot, what with school and whatnot. My heart and mind just aren't there. I'd MUCH MUCH MUCH rather be in Tennessee with my sister. The good news though is that things like this come and go. Always look at the bright side.
ReplyDeleteOh - and maybe this will bring a little instant happiness. This lady Joyce Meyer wrote a book called 'Eat the Cookie, Buy the Shoes'. That's kind of my motto as of late. Give in a little, because those are the things that help get you through the day.
Hope that helps!
Oh Mandee -
ReplyDeleteThat is why I love you sooo! Thank you so much for your supportive words :) You made me laugh out loud the whole time. Not only was that your longest comment, but also your funniest :D I will SO make adulthood my bitch.
Nicole -
You are right. Life is still good. And I had some good moments yesterday, even at work. I think it was getting all your comments via my email throughout the day made it so much brighter! :) I'm so so glad to know I'm not alone in all this weirdness.
Brittney -
I'm so going to Barnes & Noble to cash in my gift card :)